25Sep15 Joba beginnings

My birthday was yesterday. I'm now sixty years old. The very though was devastating yesterday. I literally felt like I would die that day. It was a day of reflection on all I'd failed to accomplish. I hated myself even more than usual. (Smile)

Such a drama queen.

Was fine today. Same ol same.

Put a halt to Hang for now. After a long talk with my friend Jason I knew I had to start working on the one novel I wanted to complete before I die. The Joba thing is it though I'll change his name.

I want to tackle all the questions I ask but never get answers to. Want to do something of substance.

Once I finish it I can indulge in writing for profit. Moods ok. Life is just life. No one gets out alive. :)

 

17Sep15 updates

Still alive.

       The Hang story is at fifty seven and growing though slowly. Also working on part two of the "priest" story, mostly rough outlining but it feels like it'll be fun.

       Working today on getting my packages together for grad school.

Am requesting to be accepted into both the Creative Writing and professional writers programs. 

The creative one is the dream but of course it's a highly selective thing. 

    

       Rough drafted my request letter for one and downloaded the form for requesting recommendations from previous instructors. I hate that part. I always feel like I'm begging for approval; now I know the instructors don't feel that way. They couldn't be better. I'm just such a prideful fucking asshole.

        Still, I'm excited. I feel like I'm moving forward again.

1Sep15 update

Still writing. The Hang story is still in play but I seem more inspired working on random acts.

Hangs story comes too easily for me and feels so been there done that. 

Random acts has me probing Carrion's motivations and self loathing. He's harder to write truly as is the story in general because it's not so much escapist fare as variations on an alternate reality.

24Aug15 technically blocked

Kind of anyway.

The past few days family has been home during my writing time so there is no peace, no quiet for the needed concentration. I am left with creating in my mind for later composition which is a no no.

I'm closer than ever to being organized these days. I have my writing routine and an exercise program and feel good about myself. Still the darkness and doubt crawl the fringes, looking for a crack, an in to make you question it all. Why? What's the use? The usual. 

I stride ever forward.

Hang is creeping along at fifty pages and I have an idea for my African warrior out of time. Still chip at the random acts short story too.

18Aug15 Hang updates and others

The Hunter still survives.

My lap top crashed on me a few days ago so. My work was backed up so no loss but it still constitutes a disruption in my routine. I had to resort to writing on my Ipad and while convienient the processing program in clunky at best. Luckily my son got my laptop back online so things are good.

I keep wanting to give up on this piece. I feel like it does not challenge me as a writer, like ive read and heard this same tale a million times. I know my work has improved but it feels hackneyed. I keep at it because i only get better by doing the work! I have a few ideas for new, more challenging material but need to complete this first; so i dabble here and there dropping notes or the occasional paragraph to keep the dream alive. Fifty pages into the Hunter now; more than i've ever done with one story. 

See? Progress!

10aug15 hang update

Haven't worked on him today. I'm at that bored wall I imagine writers get to from time to time.

I've grown tired of their faces and need a break.

I feel terrible about it because I'm a firm believer in the quote from I believe Chuck Windig who said "finish your shit!" Not finishing makes me a quitter.

That's not to say I'm not writing. I'm back on "Random Acts". It started out as something to do on the iPad when the laptop wasn't available but it's fun and I'm kind of goin with it. I'll try and do both even though that probably breaks another rule :)

3Aug15 hang update

Haven't worked on the hunter for two days now. It's because I've been tweaking "priest Drifting" for watt pad. I posted that story today so I'll be back at the Hunter tonight.

I feel a little bad because I broke my personal rule of working it till it's finished EVERY day, but only a little bad because I'm still writing in some form.

I can see how I've improved as a writer in both stories as they are re writes and continuations. Even with the obvious improvement I cringe at my obvious lack of detail, probably from my lack of patience.

I have always been that way, I'm hoping it will develop into some form of style as it's clearly not going away. (Smile)