06apr2018 gotta keep movin

Been a while, was focused on prepping for the comprehensive exam.  Found out the results a few days ago. I failed it, again. 

I have run out of options as far as American literature and the university of New Orleans, at least it feels that way. There was some talk about another approach. It was lost in the redness of my rage. A few angry, poorly directed, words later, I am sitting in the sun comtemplating my next moves.

I'd already told myself it was just a move, that I do what I do regardless. But the realness of a thing is a different duck. It's a beautiful day and I'm waiting on my pardna, my smile, to arrive. I loaded up Pandora and the first song up? Collie Buddz's "Movin on."

God telling me something, sure, in his cryptic giveth/takeith away style. For a moment I embrace the anger, sneer at the old positive slant sayings like, "if it doesn't open its not your door," or "he works in mysterious ways." That stuff, that way of thinking is just Shit fuelin the fire. 

So I just listened to the words and heard the message. Buddz is a stupid handle, but the words are on point. Move on. Enough of that.

I have about ten more pages to edit in "Hang, the Hunter," my fantasy story, before I submit it to publishers. Then I finish the editing on "Drifting Priest," my space story. Jason and I are working on a screenplay and my grandson is trying his damndest  to get me back into music. I am blessed.

My pardna, my muse, smile shows up. It would be a lie to say the anger disappeared, but it was made trivial.  

26Feb18 Updates

Haven't worked on the Wright story as I've gone back to the previous story in an attempt to make them consecutive.  Finished the final rough draft on the Priest story which finally sets up the next story which is the Busewalla thing. 

The problem is now I have to kind of stop everything to study for the Comprehensive exam. It's my second shot and if I fail this time I'll have to switch majors from American lit to probably Brit lit.

I'm finding it hard to focus on the studying these days. I am the kind of guy that needs to be tasked by a Professor to produce. Too much time away from the classroom environment has caused me to move on mentally. All I want to do now is work on my stories and submit them.

Just a peak at where my head is for the purposes of keeping his page updated.

the saga continues 09FEB18

I know, i know. I keep saying it. This fucking story! Why have i not quit this bastard yet? i mean there are easier stories. Stories that are deeper that i could tell in my sleep without breaking a sweat. but this one, she tasks me!

Okay. Streamlined the characters in the hopes of telling the tale on a smaller, more personal level. Cornelius and the Captain Clavo, her driven to find the mythical ship, him determined to never go back. its easier than dragging the whole military aspect into it and is less a commentary on said topic.

but i have come to realize Capt, Cornelius Busewalla is only the slightest variation on a character from a previous short story, Arsealious Wright. This could easily be a continuation of his tale. The problem is some shifts in the structure would have to be made but it could work.

So now i'm looking at yet another re-write, smh. This is the writing life folks. I complain but i love the challenge just the same. This story will be written. I'm of a mind it is my legacy, there is nothing else. That attitude alone should get the son of a bitch up and running!

I plan to post a bit of it here soon. I think it would be good to see some of the early stage and how the characters change with the re-write. we shall see.

21JAN18 This Fucking Story!

Still hitting the wall with this piece. Cornelius is adrift. Everybody knows what they're doing but him which is giving the story no direction at all. Si-fi/ fantasy is a genre I grew up with and love. I have dabbled in it  a few times with stories i think are okay, which is why i'm finding it confusing as to why it's so difficult writing this one. I know what i want,. I see it, I even know how it ends. I just cant seem to make my fingers write the damn thing.

I have stared at these fifty pages for a week or so and have come to the conclusion that I'm trying to stretch a short story into a novel. I have an overarching plan for the characters but it has to be told in pieces. Stretching it into a novel feels like filler, with great swaths of dull, boring, passages that nobody, especially me, wants to read. it has to be leaner with more depth, not just prettily painted pictures of ships in space.

Cornelius also needs a real purpose. He is as adrift in his life as he is in space at this point.This drifting along could, but isn't, making for an interesting character. He's got to want something!

Thinking on the re-write i have a new mantra. I am forever talking with  my friend Jason, about the clock, how time is running, always. I approach all projects now like they are legacy pieces. I ask myself is this what you want to leave behind, What you want people to read that represents you.

On to the next re-write, head down, determined.

06JAN18 progess, though slow.

This story is still more of a struggle to write than my others. I have outlined, so have a general idea of where things are going, but an outline is just that. Cornelius, my main character, keeps wanting to leave his New-African roots for some wavy unsubstantial amalgamation of a human. I am letting him do it because he know himself better than i do. But his drifting is causing the problems with the story line. I have come to the conclusion I'm over thinking things, trying to force him into a preconceived structure that is not working. It's a tendency i have in other areas of my life and if not watched, leaks into my writing process. I am worrying over every line and how it works with the overall outline when it is just an outline. I should be just writing. Things generally fall into place with the re-writes.

Another issue is I am more comfortable with the short story form. That familiarity makes me write tighter when a novel needs breathing space. it was originally going to be a series of shorts of Cornelius's adventures and i guess it still is. i am telling myself just need to take my time and quit beating myself up over every line when the thing isn't even half finished. Forty pages in now, but they're forty good pages, ideas the can be shifted with most of the a dialog and story line still workable. Patience, i say shaking my head, patience.

22DEC17 Found while Dreaming

The working title for my novel. It's about a man adrift. Aren't they all? I mean my characters,not men in general. While searching for his purpose he gets caught up in an old chase for a ghost ship. eventually he finds the answers he needs, well, most of them.

He is a black man with African roots trying to come to grips with being a citizen of the galaxy while maintaining a link to his own culture. he is also a pacifist forced to do violence on occasion, in fact he has chosen a violent way of life for some reason.

full disclosure, i have been toying with the idea for a couple of years now, but i get about fifty pages in and it kind of falls apart. I am at an integral action scene and i just kind of mentally say "eh," and move on to something else. I have the ending, even ideas for the next story, i just can't move the damn thing forward for some reason. but I'm doing it now.

I'm fifteen pages into the re-write and it feels like it's gonna get done finally. it is good for me to have something to focus on. I don't do well with down time and i have way too much of that now.

16Dec17 novel?

Well, the school thing is essentially over. Next semester consists of studying for the comprehensive exam, that and figuring out what to do with myself.

The last couple of weeks have been a struggle. I'm coming to grips with the reality of having more free time. My school journey mostly consisted of complaining I had no time to write what i wanted. I  have the time now, I just don't know what i want to write anymore.

There are several old short stories I thought sound structurally, but poorly written. I am breathing life into them with the goal of eventually sending them out. Was never confident enough to do that before. Hooray me. But that is more editing than creating.

School made me a better writer but changed the stories I read and now want to write. I'm actively looking for deeper meaning in things now. I mean I always have, but now, shit, its all about levels and layers of meanings. A damn story can't just be a story anymore.

What the hell is that?  I was warned school might change me, (Jason)

My ideas occupy this weird zone of wanting to write deeper but without all the pretentious bullshit sometimes present in what is considered literature. My ideas for stories now are mash ups of various genres with no clear place anywhere in fiction. In addition to this, I concentrate on short stories when the original goal was novel length works.

My muse casually asked over lunch why i wasn't working on a novel. I realized I hadn't even thought along those lines. Of course this is exactly what i need to be doing. She's good like that. (smile)
Its a task that requires focus and commitment and perfect for the guy with time on his hands. I have become so concerned with writing a good short story I missed the big picture.

Now i just have to come up with an idea that is suitable for the novel form. I have several re-occurring characters i want to see do other things. I just have to decide which one i want to spend the next year with.

I'll keep you posted. as always.