31Dec15 end of days

Fuckin 2015 baby; out the door!

So damn fast

Faster the older you get.

Shit gets so clear as time goes. All the good you could've/ should've done?

God knows your heart

He's already judged.

"Already judged." There's freedom in that statement; Clarity.   Your hell, or heaven is already ready.

Good or bad behavior from this point on is a non factor. Im free, already damned or blessed.

I have tried getting my work out there via the social network. I am a failure. 

I refuse to share. 

Not sure why that is. I used to love talking to others. Now I read other pages both social and professional and find both boring and self promoting. unless I have a personal connection to them I just shake my head moving on.

Clearly they feel the same about mine. Lol

It's safe to say I'm a failure with this brand of social interacting. (Smile)

That's ok. I know what I am.

21Dec15 Xmas damn near here.

Well, it is.

I have to confess the spirit is lacking this year. I think the older I get the less I'm open to it for some stupid reason. Probably my general cynicism amplified by gray rainy skies and old age (smile).

I exaggerate. I'm in a good place. I'm still writing which is always the main thing and still physically active though it's fallen off some due to the holiday routine of the others occupying the house.

Hang the Hunter keeps expanding as I layer in more detail. I am still working on breaking my habit of saying more with less. I realize the reader needs a little more color, a little more patience from me.

Chipped at the "found while dreaming" story too for the first time in a month. Wanted to dive back into it but have to stick with Hang. I really must, finish what I start.

Speaking of starts, schools about three weeks away. I've already started reading "The Secret Agent" by Joseph Conrad. Part of me hates that I'm back reading stuff that they want instead of what I want but nobody's fault but mine.

14Dec15 update

Finally got my classes in. Let's hope there are no problems with the financial aid. The process was stressful, part of a bad day in general. You know how you wake up and one little thing after another goes wrong?

Didn't get the classes I wanted because I registered too late. I looked around for someone to blame but knew who the ass was. Now I'm stuck with three reading classes. 

African writing and how it's changed, the novel as a genre, and fiction writing at the turn of the century and how it was affected by culture, environment,ectera. All heavy reading, all requiring two, ten to fifteen page papers with bibliographies.

I'm a notoriously slow reader, I hope having read some of the material helps.

No writing classes. They're reserved for the true writing students.

I'll muddle through. I like reading and writing papers, while not fiction is still writing.

review of 'The Exterminators Pt2" by ludikristo on Critique Circle

It was the second chapter in a book and takes place during a training mission for several young magicians. It's an urban fantasy set in Boston for the chapter available to me.

I think the writer has a good idea of his characters and where he wants to go with them. The descriptions are detailed enough and he actually has a story to tell instead of the crap I read before this that was mainly a racist rant masquerading as a story.

He mostly suffers from the new writers disease. It's when you fail to see the need for either editing or rewriting. You think every word you write is perfect even with the spelling errors and redundancy of names and "ands" and "hads"

I assured him we've all been there and expect good things from him in the future.

It's a hard thing reviewing others work. You have to be careful not to make their stuff yours, in the sense that your criticism forces your style on to them.

I mainly stress flow and brevity.

I'll be doing many more hopefully with more detail.

28nov15

Still moving foreward. Spent all day editing Hang the Hunter and still writing everyday. I'm focusing hard on adding detail and color without clutter. Read an article about short stories making a comeback and found it inspirational. Longer works feel like too much right now. Frankly the boredom factor sets in long before I reach the two hundred |three hundred range. I believe it'll get better but this is now. 

I continue to update "found while dreaming." Even if it's just a line or two as it will be my main project after this last rewrite of Hang.

My plan for the "I write too" page is to read other people's work on Critque circle and wattpad and offer criticism, then place links o their work on the page. Hopefully they'll return the favor and I can gain some traction.

Still on the path...

18Nov15

Still writing which is I know, redundant but I need to reinforce.

The outline for "found while Sleeping" is going well and I'm back to proofreading Hang the Hunter again. Feeling productive even if a little down.

12nov15 updates

First and foremost still writing. Albeit all over the place.

I work on the theory "finish what you start!" But lately I find "you have to know when to get off the path." A more appropriate adage. 

Sticking with some stories is like chipping at a rock. I know; the next story is always more exciting than the one you're on and that's true. Still, refer to the rock analogy. I think now as long as I'm  productive...

So... I ve shelved the idea of Hang the hunter as a novel returning instead to the short story concept. I've rewritten the first part again, will post it soon and have the first draft of the sequel "Rachael's Tale" It needs a major rewrite though. I'm changing the pov but know where it's going and that's half the battle. The process is time consuming but I don't mind. My attention to detail is better lately. In the past I've noticed a lack of patience in my work. I chalk this up to years of television watching. It makes me want to get right to the heart of things while neglecting the scenery but as I said, getting better.

I started a Facebook page for writing and reviewing work but it's way more time consuming than I thought. Another problem is I'm not all that social even though I  like people in general. My friends are special to me and welcoming strangers in is hard since I've gotten older. I have to find a way to resolve this because I need to get me out there, that can only happen by reaching out.

6nov15

Too drunk to write tonight. I have failed. I wrote earlier and am happy with the work done but it's not enough. Wanting to write but not being able to focus enough sucks. I have to get stronger mentally. Stop the mental whining and stand up. The writing doesn't care about your heart, your longings, it only wants its needs met. 

I obey.

03now15 updates

Did the GRE today; horrible at the math but fine with everything else. Now I only need to get those scores to the school and hope the loan people don't fuck up my plans.

But even if they do, they can't fuck up all of them.

I'm a writer. It's taken me about thirty years to realize this but it's so.

They can't take that away.

I'm back to chipping at the second Hang story. I'm obsessed with finishing what I start even though I'm tired of it. To not do so feels like quitting and I'm too old for that. I need to make better choices though. The clock is ticking and there are things I want to finish before the end. The Priest saga being one of them.

30oct2015 updates

I just finished the, oh I don't know, thirtieth rewrite on the Priest story.

It's as good as I can get it for now despite my seeing all the details it still needs.

I have to move on. Nowritmo is upon my and I want to take a run at it with a secqual to the Joba story.

Have registered for the spring and the masters program in English. Excited to be on the path again.

I had to decide weither to concentrate on non fiction or fiction. I felt I haven't come all this way to write about other people's work. I'll write my own.

16Oct15

Some updates.

I been working on the drifting priest for he past week or so. I have it on watt pad and found I can edit the piece online. I'd reread it after a few months and saw much that needed improving and since I want to use it as my submission piece for grad school I want it as good as it can be.

Part of me feels like it's a cop out as. Have plenty of other pieces needin my attention. Still, it makes me happy and its progress.

09Oct15 today

Yeah yeah yeah, the writing shot is still goin on. But I wanna bitch a little, whine even, about love.

We spend our whole lives practically seeking it. Then we get it and it sucks! Oh it's sweet for awhile. You float around high on a drug you can't buy for any price thinking "finally!"

Then reality sets in. You find it rarely goes both ways and if it does it rarely has longevity. Frequently you end up alone lost in the cycle of does she really love me or am I fulfilling a need.

It ends in pain so often that I wonder why God hard wired us to even feel it. People would be so much happier with a simple contract stating their needs and the things they will not tolerate.  That would work splendidly for a couple in agreement, but usually it's a one sided thing. He loves her she kinda loves him. He loves her she loves some of the things he does and he's no trouble. You catch my meaning.

I'm just bitching. No one shall be named and I hate that I even felt desperate enough to have to resort to voicing it here. Still...

Thank you for listening.

4Oct15

Read a writer's advisory today. It reminded me of the mantra I'd been living by the past year concerning my own writing.

"Finish what you start!"

That was the core of it. Funny how easily you can slip off the path. The author pointed out how new ideas come constantly, frequently in the middle of other projects. Fresh and new the can tempt you away possibly starting a cycle. I've been doing that all this week with me working the new story instead of finishing the Hang story.

I'm back on that tonight.

30Sep15

Still at work on various projects. I'm striving to finish all of them but the enthusiasm lags after a time.

Working on the piec I want to finish before I die. It is the most challenging I've tried. In the early stages but the structure is coming together.

Not concerned withurning sixty anymore. Too many other things to do. University of New Orleans is sponsoring a get together for people interested in their masters of fine arts program for English.

It's god talking to me. Time to get back to work do I'll be there. Still need the three letters from my professors but I'll bite the bullet and get them.

25Sep15 Joba beginnings

My birthday was yesterday. I'm now sixty years old. The very though was devastating yesterday. I literally felt like I would die that day. It was a day of reflection on all I'd failed to accomplish. I hated myself even more than usual. (Smile)

Such a drama queen.

Was fine today. Same ol same.

Put a halt to Hang for now. After a long talk with my friend Jason I knew I had to start working on the one novel I wanted to complete before I die. The Joba thing is it though I'll change his name.

I want to tackle all the questions I ask but never get answers to. Want to do something of substance.

Once I finish it I can indulge in writing for profit. Moods ok. Life is just life. No one gets out alive. :)

 

17Sep15 updates

Still alive.

       The Hang story is at fifty seven and growing though slowly. Also working on part two of the "priest" story, mostly rough outlining but it feels like it'll be fun.

       Working today on getting my packages together for grad school.

Am requesting to be accepted into both the Creative Writing and professional writers programs. 

The creative one is the dream but of course it's a highly selective thing. 

    

       Rough drafted my request letter for one and downloaded the form for requesting recommendations from previous instructors. I hate that part. I always feel like I'm begging for approval; now I know the instructors don't feel that way. They couldn't be better. I'm just such a prideful fucking asshole.

        Still, I'm excited. I feel like I'm moving forward again.

1Sep15 update

Still writing. The Hang story is still in play but I seem more inspired working on random acts.

Hangs story comes too easily for me and feels so been there done that. 

Random acts has me probing Carrion's motivations and self loathing. He's harder to write truly as is the story in general because it's not so much escapist fare as variations on an alternate reality.

24Aug15 technically blocked

Kind of anyway.

The past few days family has been home during my writing time so there is no peace, no quiet for the needed concentration. I am left with creating in my mind for later composition which is a no no.

I'm closer than ever to being organized these days. I have my writing routine and an exercise program and feel good about myself. Still the darkness and doubt crawl the fringes, looking for a crack, an in to make you question it all. Why? What's the use? The usual. 

I stride ever forward.

Hang is creeping along at fifty pages and I have an idea for my African warrior out of time. Still chip at the random acts short story too.

18Aug15 Hang updates and others

The Hunter still survives.

My lap top crashed on me a few days ago so. My work was backed up so no loss but it still constitutes a disruption in my routine. I had to resort to writing on my Ipad and while convienient the processing program in clunky at best. Luckily my son got my laptop back online so things are good.

I keep wanting to give up on this piece. I feel like it does not challenge me as a writer, like ive read and heard this same tale a million times. I know my work has improved but it feels hackneyed. I keep at it because i only get better by doing the work! I have a few ideas for new, more challenging material but need to complete this first; so i dabble here and there dropping notes or the occasional paragraph to keep the dream alive. Fifty pages into the Hunter now; more than i've ever done with one story. 

See? Progress!

10aug15 hang update

Haven't worked on him today. I'm at that bored wall I imagine writers get to from time to time.

I've grown tired of their faces and need a break.

I feel terrible about it because I'm a firm believer in the quote from I believe Chuck Windig who said "finish your shit!" Not finishing makes me a quitter.

That's not to say I'm not writing. I'm back on "Random Acts". It started out as something to do on the iPad when the laptop wasn't available but it's fun and I'm kind of goin with it. I'll try and do both even though that probably breaks another rule :)

3Aug15 hang update

Haven't worked on the hunter for two days now. It's because I've been tweaking "priest Drifting" for watt pad. I posted that story today so I'll be back at the Hunter tonight.

I feel a little bad because I broke my personal rule of working it till it's finished EVERY day, but only a little bad because I'm still writing in some form.

I can see how I've improved as a writer in both stories as they are re writes and continuations. Even with the obvious improvement I cringe at my obvious lack of detail, probably from my lack of patience.

I have always been that way, I'm hoping it will develop into some form of style as it's clearly not going away. (Smile)

21jul15 Hang updates

He's still kicking. Going to try and up my word count soon. I'm currently doing about two to three hundred a day but I'm kind of editing as I go. 

It'll get harder when I'm past the already written material.

Still, writing in some form everyday; be it a Hang,blogging, writing prompts, or commenting now, on Jason's page.

Gotta keep active.

17Jul2015 Hang the Hunter.

Was steadily working on the next short story in Hang's journey when I realized I've never even attempted a novel before; plenty of short stories but not the long haul.

With the work on Rachael's tale I'm already on what would be the fourth chapter or so, figure I might as well.

So this is me announcing my first novel,

Should be interesting.

7jul2015

The second Hang story is crawling along. The outline is taking shape. It's degrading into a chase/shooter up which I didn't want but you try controlling the voices!

I alternate it with the "random Acts" because it's more of a challenge as its a character piece.

My mood is joyful.

4July2015 pooders birthday

I love my grandson.

He's ten today and such a little man. My daughter did just great.

Thought to give up on "Random Acts" but read an article reminding me challenging yourself as a writer is important. So...

Working on that plus "Rachael's Tale" probably a bad idea to do both can't say it isn't a challenge.

1Jul2015 Rachael's Tale

     The original plan was to start "Random Acts" the tale of a man who's touch cause good or bad things to happen.

    I thought if finished it but found I'd only done ten pages with no outline.

I proceeded to chip at it all day yesterday before putting it aside again. I feel the idea is too vague I couldn't arrive at what I felt was a satisfying ending. I'm still chipping at it but am mainly focused now on Racheal's Tale."

     

     It's the follow up to Hangs Tale. The heartbroken dwarf is still trying to revive his dark elven mate but is sidetracked by friend Whimsy' scheme to finance their adventure.

29Jun2015 wandering priest finished

It's done.

28 pages and it's as good as I can make it right now.

Perhaps after a cooling off I may go back and I already have plans for a secquel.

Now I have to settle on a new project. Will decide tomorrow and start then.

I'm been writing everyday solidly for a few months now. Good for me!

9Jun2015 blue Tuesday

Down today for the first time in weeks. Managed to write some, but the amount was pathetic.

I swear sometimes when the sun doesn't shine I sink. I doubt, despair, and lament the waste of my life. Writing becomes a waste of time , a hopeless cause.

Back in the day I'd drown the shit with tons of beer.

Now I write. It's like the say, once you start things get better. There's something else to focus on that can be controlled and maybe made better.  :)

Currents 6jun2015

I know it's been awhile. Truth is I'm unsure what this blog is really about. 

I started out wanting to document my writers journey but there's so much of that done so much better I thought "nah." I think people would be bored.

Thought about the personal angle but find it difficult to share in general. Hence the sporadic postings.

Still I'm writing everyday, at least an hour in the morning and a couple at night. I'm currently exiting rewrite hell finally with Priests first story. I think I'll post it here as a sort of victory lap then move on to his next one.

21apr2015

Still consistently writing. The priest story has finally taken shape and I'm in the re write phase. I'm proud to have gotten here and I'm already looking forward to secquels and other things.

There's a peace on me that's rare. A resignation that write or no write I'll eventually die anyway so may as well write! It gives me freedom from the criticism of others but not myself and I'm mean enough for both!

19mar2015 the process

Still working the priest and the process is so tiring mentally.

I have the tree of the story but the carving out of the exquisitely designed chair is proving an even bigger pain than ever.

I've been studying elements of style religous lately and finding sooo many faults in my writing. This is after rewriting this story about ten times already. (Smile)

Now armed with the above mentioned weapon I am going over it yet again and my brain is fatigued!

Now I'm nog one of those twelve hour a day guys; I do two at the most in a sitting, but it's an intense two hours as I gather any writer will tell you.

I love that I'm still at it though.

Back

Working on the drifting priest again.

The story has confounded me for weeks. It just sat there on the laptop taunting me. I considered quitting it but know that's a sure path to nothing achived.

So I waited...

Other ideas fighting for attention quietly logged and put aside. Now they force me to write. 

If I don't complete priest I cannot get to them!

But now at least priest is moving. I simply had to remember wise words from a friend.

"Don't overthink it!"