28Dec16 blog project #6

Talk about the person you like.

She noticed me.

I realize that sounds like a small thing.

In reality It's pretty big. You take things like getting invited to functions, study groups, or out for beers for granted. You enjoy the luxury of picking and choosing  these encounters.

 Once you pass a certain age these things tend to dry up. You're the same person you always were but older and somehow unapproachable now. My theory is younger people find it difficult to relate to you, that or it's the whole staring into the face of their future thing.

This woman actually saw me.

Sees me.

And I am forever greatful.

27Dec16 Blog project #5

Discuss your feelings about the word love.

Damn. 

This is one I considered dodging. The shit is different for everyone. 

worse than that I'm not feelin lovey today. Okay...

Love for me is the greatest drug there is.

You should be ever prepared to consciously give it.

You should walk around, windows of your heart flung wide in the hope of recieving its nourishing light.

It can be painful.

Love anyway.

26Dec16 blog project #4

Someone you've never met who inspires you.

Statements or requests like these annoy because they seek to pin you down.

But there is never just one person. 

(Echoes of Dr. steeby there. I haven't forgotten!) 😎

It could just as easily be someone you recently met or experienced. It could be some book, or some movie, or that kid I saw yesterday who could actually do a wheelie.

 (something I could never do.)

In my case it was never anyone physical. I discovered long ago people you idolize tend to dissapoint in real life. They're requently rude, or racist, or so vain their very presence scrapes at your being. Ah but fictional characters! Fictional characters defy physics. They remain the same but their influence extends across time and space, shaping; influencing cultures and people.

Keeping wth that concept my first choice is David Carridine's Kwai Chang Caine. 

I was a poor black child sharing a room with four brothers and one sister in a tiny two bedroom house. Rats in the walls, one hand pump in the kitchen the only running water in the place. It was in rural Ohio, about forty miles from Toledo.  I was around ten or so and would sit on the floor in front of a black and white tv looking at this peaceful man seeking only to find his father and be left alone to live quietly thinking about...

What? Just being?

Goddamn that  was the shit to me! 

Who just kind of meanders through life lookin at shit? Longs to pass through peacefully as undisturbing as a breeze on a leaf? 

My head was fuckedfor life!

Physical attempts a Kung fu faded fast but the philosophy, It's remnants remained, Kernels of it still rooted in yesterday's posting on religion. Caine freed me from the trap of organized, orthodox thought. Taught me that God was way bigger than that.

There are many others had a hand in creating this being who's words distract you right now.

 Robert Hienlien's Lazarus Long, Remo Williams "The Destroyer,"  Daredevil, Capt. America, Dr. Doom!

Real life seemed dumb after I discovered books and all these people. I pretty much never went back and at this late stage...meh, it's all good.

25Dec16 blog challenge #3 religion.

What is your religion and thoughts about religion.

I don't participate in organized or traditional religion. Early on I realized much of it is based on guilt and fear. I found the idea of an infinite God punishing me for behavior done in a timespan less than an instant for him unacceptable.

Still, I don't question the exsistence of God. The evidence is all around us, In the faces of everyone and every thing. If we take the time to really listen, really see. Good luck maintaining that kind of focus though. A better question is did he create us or we him?

 I Find comfort in both theories.

If God created us and everything else he'd have little need for our praise even if we eliminate the idea of angels. He is complete unto himself.worship in any form would be redundant. Removing worship from the table leaves curiosity on God's part or a random act.

Possibly he created man just to see what mankind would achieve. Man has infinite potential and seeing how it plays out would be worth observing for a few eons. If that is the case mankind's selfish modification of his natural acts for his own selfish gain has hindered his purer goal, but adds to the adventure.

The idea we created him is a little less solid. My theory is the combined human intellect all focused on the goal of not only reaching, but pleasing God would cause such a being to be created if said being did not exsist. Possibly not in my life time but eventually. The sheer power of prayer would cause it to form somewhere in the universe. this theory does not take into account actual evil in the form of demons or as I prefer to think, extra dimensional beings bent on causing humans harm. I know, a little out there. Just a hint of the fractured process that is my mind.

And so ends task#3. I fear they only get weirder folks.

24Dec16 blog task #2

Your political views and how you feel about politics in general.

Socialist, fuck yeah! Share the wealth! How can you as a living breathing human being have so fucking much, look around and say "oh well, it sucks to be you." Or "I got mine, get yours." Or the ever popular "the one who dies with the most toys wins."

There is so much in this world. What slips through the cracks in our defense budget alone could finance healthcare, education, and housing for everyone. My God it seems like a no brainer. Instead we allow our politicians to feed into our unfounded fears. We the people passively allow ourselves to be lulled to sleep by tired rhetoric, happily believing ourselves safe from a threat never really realized.

I preach but am guilty of keeping my own head down. Weary from the sheer weight of data I ignore things, waiting for it all to fall beer in hand.

I have seen my passivity made disturbingly clear through the eyes of a friend. One who feels so passionately about these things it drives her to tears. I looked on that sweet caring continence and knew shame. Shielded for so long by my indifference to the point of being almost numb she reminds me to be better, to do more, not Just analyize.

Now, let's hope that's not just rationalization on my part.

23Dec16 Man, this down time!

I know I'm screaming in the wilderness but I HATE DOWN TIME!

People all over Louisiana are celebrating Christmas and the nearness of loved ones and I am mentally pacing the floor.

    At the age of sixty one downtime translates to time wasted. That combined with other things I won't touch on here have me wound tight as a drum.

I've been combing Pinterest for blog topics in an effort to get this thing moving while honing my chops. I've found a list so I'm gonna start on it right now.

A favorite picture of yourself and an interesting fact for every year you've been alive:

My last year of undergrad. I'd just started drinking again after ten or so years. My heart had been broken but I remember I still had my writing. That guy kept going, possibly because the thought of stopping was too much. It's my favorite because he persevered.

The only thing to say about the previous years is my amazement I've lived this long. I remember being twenty five doing a three mile jog home from work. My car was broke down and for some reason I wondered what I'd be like at sixty. I couldn't imagine it then. Past that now I see living has become much more acute. I literally feel the seconds slipping away. Hence the need to be back at school, learning more.

Funny how we try to hold on to things, like we have any control at all. Silly drunk old man. The trick is to appreciate it all. Every second, the bad and the good. The smiles, the lunches, even the tears carry weight, have meaning. Done.