21Nov18 Blocked? Maybe...

This story, SMH, I've covered the struggle so much even I'm tired f hearing it. Quit? the idea is never far from my thoughts. but, it will never defeat me. I will see it crushed and made humble by the slashing edge of my pen, by the sheer effort of my iron will!

As you've probably guessed, I'm blocked.

I mean kind of blocked.

I started the whole NOWRITMO thing full of fire and drive, wanting to fill those pages with text and damn the editing. I realize now this is not nor has it ever been my writing style. Writing down everything that comes into your head for cutting down later into usable material feels nonproductive to me. I am a write pages correct pages, correct those pages the next day kind of guy. Lesson learned.

Having achieved such miraculous insight i still wasn't happy with anything coming out. I would stare at text then delete it. This story has refused to do what I want for years. I have my outline, know where it's going; I should be hitting the marks and sending this baby home.

The problem was I envisioned deep introspective characters with fascinating back stories, clever subtext that makes the reader come back again and again for new insights missed on the first read. In short i was over thinking; bogged down in the details. I'd forgotten the number one rule which is to entertain.

I am tempted to blame higher education. I was warned my style and tastes would change those chickens may have come home to roost. But that's some weak shit. My education is more a blessing. The problem is my ego. I started seeing it as a story again and not some work of art and the words began to flow forth. I still re-write the previous days pages and once the project is done numerous re-writes of those pages are ahead but i remember why I'm doing it now.

05Nov18 Crow Calls

Today is one of those doubting days. I doubt all my previous words concerning "Found While Dreaming." The voices are all wrong; the plot both too simple and needlessly complex. Who's story is it anyway?

 Moments of doubt like these are normal. Actually I think they're a side effect of other issues I have goin on which are leaking into the writing process. School is done for all Intents and purposes. Im just siting on the results of the board but that wait is a dangling sword. This coupled with suddenly finding my time is now my own. This is a dangerous kind of freedom. All forms of mischief are posdible if I'm not careful.

I am focusing on the work, reminding myself it has always been the goal and my lack of confidence I delusion. I'm returning to the original first person narrative. It works better. Readers need to know his mind, share his feelings. There is a love interest that I'll write in third person. I was told to never mix narrative styles as its too jarring for the reader, time to break the rules, to remember what the Crow means.

Nowritmo 03Nov18

I've never been in a position to participate in this month long writing event as school was almost
always at the forefront.I finally have the time as school, for better or worse, is behind me.

After much back and forth I've decided to participate though in a modified capacity. reaching the goal of 50,000 words is an impractical one for a writer like myself. While big on outlining i find it harder to to do the flight of thought thing, just writing whatever comes into your head to be edited down later. It feels undisciplined to me. I will instead spend the time completing a project started many times but never finished, the dreaded "Found While Dreaming."

It is the story that consistently refuses to co-operate. I reach a point where the story sags and the energy and drive just leaves. I think its a great idea that simply refuses to let me finish it.. I have fifty five pages that i am now editing down before pushing forward.

Just wanted you to know i'm back at it and for good this time. The updates will be more frequent after this with more details, though vague as Priest continues his journey.