09FEB2014

Rarely forgive.

NEVER forget!

7FEB2014

Still working the priest story and he still keeps evolving.

I'm now seeing the wisdom of getting the bare bones of the story down.

You cut all of the fat out with your razor then there's just the lines and where it ends.

Then you go back adding tone and colors; you make it live!

Well, try anyway.

I love it.

I'm just sorry I got there so late.

So much wasted time.

Ah well, such is life for some.  :)

4FEB2014

Haven't forgotten you.

I just don't want to fill these pages with useless whinning.

I see enough of that on twitter.

Still working on "the drifting Priest"

Breaking it up into short stories and pretty much done before the final run through.

After that I'll post it for reviews in various places, consider the feedback and do another revision after it cools down

Not sure what the next project is but the Ghostwand" story needs a restructuring and it's been cooling a few months now so probably that.

As always

"Thanks for Listening"

30Jan2014

Life continuing to throw up roadblocks. What else is new?

Well, sometimes you can see the reason for it.

One can spend months angry and constantly saying "why me lord?" 

sometimes it takes months for the reason to present itself.

I'm going to spare you details here but I understand why things fell the way they did for me.

One always needs to remember you are not alone on this earth and I forgot that for a time.

It is soo easy to think just about yourself.

 So easy in fact you barely notice you're doing it after awhile.

Meanwhile those depending on you move blithely along, confident in the belief that you will eventually come to your senses. Thier faith is so humbling.

A sneaky slinking train wreck of a person crawls along plotting and planning. 

He is perfectly willing to sacrifice them on the alter of his vile needs but their faith never waivers.

He eventually realizes all the studying, all his pompous behavior is nothing!

He missed the whole thing!

The real truth, the real purpose for exsistance was always right there.

in them, believing in you even when they KNEW you were a piece of shit.

Be better people.

I know we've sucked in the past; I hear you we may not ever be able to make it up.

But start now anyway. Can't make things worse.

Didn't write okay and feel terrible about it.

In one of those "my writing sucks!" Phases.

I shall persevere. (Smile)

27JAN2014

I'm glad I wake up ready to be productive now.

I used to look for things to kill time.

Now I write,/study/write and feel less like a waste of life.

My despair still weighs me down.

I know. A long time leaving huh.

I feel I am useless to others right now as I'm so in need of fixing myself.

I still drag one foot foreward right after the other.it just seems like a circle.  :)

Yes, well It was never supposed to be easy was it?

Easy was the lie they told us from the beginning.

24JAN2014 Chaos

Thinking about chaos tonight.

Not the crude raw upheaval of all things organized in the universe but more the hiccups in the smoothness of it all.

When I was younger I craved smoothness. I wanted nothing more than the comforts of home everybody else desired. A mate, enough money and all the love you can handle.

I achieved that goal years ago if not on as grand a scale as it sounds. Then I felt like young Alexander who looked around and lamented he had no worlds left to conquer.

I became restless bored and grumpy. I longed to tear it all down.

Is that the nature of man or just a fucked up me?

The Priest is back on track. About 7900 words and editing is going well.

22JAN2014

Not a terrible day. Got lots done on the story, lots of adding then taking away.

The age old battle of writing what you want, what the story is trying to say and the need for mass appeal.

I gave in and propped some action on the front. It was a blatant effort to grab readers on the first page, before they start drifting.

It feels so wrong now. Deleting it.

I'm proud of myself. This story is not like that.

It's about a man struggling with the things he's done over a lifetime and realizing it may be too late to make amends. The action must come out of that, not be shoehorned in.

The depression is still with me. Fuck it. It won't win. It never does. But...

Don't want to discuss it either. Just want to beat it bloody. Make it wish it had never fucked with me.