Fuck the time away. Life calls to us all sometimes.
Anyway, was doing my daily walk and started thinking about selfishness. I always try to pick topics to occupy my mind while i walk and it seemed to leap forward
   I have been clashing more with a friend lately over expected treatment on my part. To me the expectations seem small, treat me with as much respect as i do you. Respect being some form of concentrated attention, meaning "I see you I hear you. I really do see and hear you.
    My anger usually comes to the for when those conditions are not met. If I recieve a note from someone saying "Hey, off to the gym." or "home now. so tired" to me those are thoughtless notes. I would rather you didn't bother writing at all, but then I have the balls to get pissy because you don't write! I know. What an asshole right?
   Well on my walk i was thinking just that, about how I delude myself into thinking i"m being this great human by giving you my valueable attenion when really i'm setting you up or testing you. It almost seems like im looking for a reason to get pissed I pat myself on the back and say "you! You are the good one!"
    I just found it facinating how we or in this case "I" lie to myself I have to work harder at being REAL. I love my friends. I love the people in my life. I am lucky that they CHOOSE to have me in theirs. Just wanted to get it down before tomorrow comes and im pissed about them not setting aside everything for me lol.