It is the goal for most of us most days. Its the thing that gets you up in the morning; gets you through the day on thoughts of last night and dreams of what tonight will be...with her or him. Your Existence still blows. You still don't know why you're here but its way more palatable with them there.
When they go, as inevitably they do, you feel holed out. Like there's no way to ever, ever feel...normal again. Your rational mind knows this for the lie it is. It knows you. More than likely in a month or so you will barely remember it says. Those mental journeys over that painfully too familiar turf will cease and if you bother to think of them at all it will be in wonder that you allowed yourself to be so affected in the first place.
You usually maintain a wall so high there's little chance of it being breached.
You realize with no slight amount of sadness that another layer has been added.
You are on the other side: you're heart is well protected.
And you are even more alone than before.
What started out as self defense has become your prison.
That form of thinking is way too prevalent and so wrong.The problem is the price we put on most forms of love. I"ll trade you these for my love you give me this back. Failure on either end results in one or both picking up their toys and going home. the barter system, when applied here is doomed because thing change.
The fabric of the universe itself, your very cells, are in a constant state of flux. If you cannot wrangle existence or your own wayward feelings into line how can you expect consistency or stability in another?
Still, your conscious mind ignores these facts. It is struggling to protect you. It blames the other; starts a long convoluted journey of laying all of it at their feet. Anything is better than owning that shit yourself but the truth is life is all about change.
Love can succeed in a constantly changing universe. it just needs to be set free; be allowed to just be, without the bartering; just beautiful, nebulous and all the more wonderful for its existence in the first place and all the more wonderful for that. I think...if you free yourself from bargaining you are that much closer to truly loving.
See? Upbeat! LOL
No comments:
Post a Comment