(Smile)
    Its a hard thing being an old man.
You spend a lifetime developing your own way of seeing and dealing with the world. You think you know how people are; how to do all the things that get you through life at this point.
You know what to do with bullies and heartbreak and where to take your stand.
Where to take your stand.

Had a long talk with Jason last night and we debated vigorously this very point.
I am so unforgiving of hurt or wrong done to me that no matter who it is I am unable to forgive. My position being I give all of me, well most of me (smile) the inner stuff you don't give to just anybody. I put my feelings, my vulnerability in your hands and hope that you're gentle with it. The thing is if you hurt me that's it. You are dead to me. I still love you, still think of you, still smile at the shared history but the door is slammed. Its a sort of scorched earth policy.

    Jason is much more insightful. To him mistakes are made and things said in the heat of passion need to be let go. His is the opposite of scorched earth. He plants seeds, goes around looking for new growth, is always willing to forgive. He burns brightly in the moment. I linger in the past worrying the old wound, I keep that shit fresh! never allowing the memory of the pain to fade.

    The trippy thing is I KNOW he's right. I know you have to let that shit go, that life is a long road and you are different people at different points on it. Rational thinking gets trumped by emotional immaturity here for me. Its a fascinating thing to be fifty eight and still such an inner child.
its a hard thing to shitcan all the defenses you've honed over those years and let things go.
I'm working on it. Hence this blurb.

Needed to get that out. (smile)